I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
