You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
