Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
