She said her name was "party"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
