Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
please come you make the beer taste better
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
