she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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