Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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