i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
