it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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