Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
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Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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