we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
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Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
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You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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