Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
