you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
