He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
