I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
