how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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