Sry I called you an 8
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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