i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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