What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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