Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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