So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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