I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
