my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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