well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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