.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
