I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
