I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
