Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
