People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
