I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I will be naked everywhere
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
