I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
