you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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