Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
