pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
