More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
