**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize