there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
