I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
