I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Drunk is a universal language darling
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