I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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