I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
