I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
