After last night, I could never be a politician.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
