Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have tasted many bathrooms
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
