How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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