Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
