we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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