Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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