Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
