My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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