I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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