Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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