When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
