would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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