I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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