I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
