I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
