Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
