Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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