Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
