I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You don't make any sense
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