there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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