my soul wont recognize me after tonight
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
