I just pynch a tree in the face
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.