its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
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Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?