3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
