Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
