I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.