Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
They took my balls.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law