Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs