HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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