yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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