I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
